While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
