I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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