A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
