My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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