Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
