It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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