Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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