he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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