dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
