On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
