I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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