This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
