I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
