false alarm. still invincible.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
