Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to calm my uterus...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
