I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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