she woke up with a sticky ear
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
