I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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