I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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