Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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