I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
