I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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