She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
did you just send me my own nude
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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