She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
