Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I intend to get homeless drunk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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