Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
