I want to stick my p in your. b.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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