honey bunches of taint.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
