I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
