I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
