i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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