I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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