So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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