So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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