Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
