do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she peed on how many people?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
