I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
