**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
