Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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