And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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