I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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