I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
