It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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