I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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