That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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