And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
