Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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