why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
