he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
