dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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