"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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