I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
