my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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