I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
