You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
