she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
