My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
