my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
