Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
