Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
