I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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