My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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