ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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