Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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