If that was your dad, he is hot
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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