Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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