how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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