Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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