I think I am morally bankrupt
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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