The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
