Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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