all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So vagazzling was a success
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
