so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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