Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
