im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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