I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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