thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
