I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
