We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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