The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
