see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
