I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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