so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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